Dear Customer,
Hello and welcome to _____ (certain popular international coffee shop that begins with the letter "S")! I'm so glad you're here today. Here are a few things you should know before you speak to me, your loving barista:
1) I am a person too. I have feelings. I take great joy in being treated with respect.
2) If you are a teenager who cannot make up your mind, please figure out which frappaccino your friends ordered before coming to my counter and copying their order.
3) If you are a single or unhappily married middle-aged man with no life, I am NOT interested in you. Please do not be fooled by my smile and polite conversation; I am only doing my job.
4) I have a college degree. Working at a coffee shop is not synonymous with descriptors such as "drop-out", "deadbeat" and "unable to get a 'real' job", nor is it an excuse for you to treat me with any less dignity than another human being.
5) Thank you for getting off your *&#%$@! cell phone before ordering and hereby paying me the same courtesy you would expect if you were in my position.
6) If you feel frustrated and/or angered by the long line, consider the fact that we (your patient baristas) have probably been dealing with the line far longer than you have.
7) If you plan to ask me to stir your double-cupped, triple venti, 4 pump, nonfat, no foam, no whip, extra hot, white mocha, GET OVER YOURSELF! Please take a moment to contemplate the fact that millions of people around the world have NO CLUE where their next meal is coming from and reevaluate your request.
8) If I seem a little spacey and forget some portion of your order, it may be because there are far too many requests being made of me at once. Another possible explanation is that waking up at 4AM to brew YOUR coffee is catching up with me...
Thank you, and have a pleasant coffee drinking experience at _____ (certain popular international coffee shop that begins with the letter "S")!
Sincerely,
Your Barista
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
lol...
I feel much lighter for reading this; I hope that writing it has had a similar effect on you.
(How can a mocha be 'extra hot'? I mean, just how hot can you get milk before it bursts into flame? Is a barista supposed to suspend the laws of thermodynamics, or what? What is wrong with people?)
hahahaha! Aren't blogs the BEST for venting (or venti-ing?) ;)
Ohhhhh dear! I hope that some days are much, much better.
Post a Comment