I Don't Really Care for this Surrender Thing

I've decided I don't really care for this surrender thing; I much prefer control. Surrender is such a process of letting go again and again. Ugh. I suck at it.

Last Sunday we incorporated a body prayer (compliments of my talented friend, Stacy) into the service at Common Table. Here’s an excerpt of the posture we were directed to assume as we prayed:

Stand up. Strong legs. Your feet grounded by the strength of the earth below. Your back and neck and head stretched toward the heavens. Look at your hands. Hold them up in front of your face—palms up. Open. Open to God and God’s nature. Open to whatever you are to receive. Open to give away that which you shall no longer hold on to.

As I assumed this posture, I was really struck by the seeming dichotomy of my actions – holding my hands open to receive from God, while also being open to give away that which I shouldn’t hold on to. Both elements resonate. I think much of life, or at least much of the Christian life, is lived within this tension.

"You're a little too saucy to be a nun."

Yesterday I spent the afternoon at the Africa Faith and Justice Network (AFJN), putting the finishing touches on a project. AFJN is located in Brookland, a section of DC filled with Catholic institutions. On my way home, I noticed a little farmer's market near the Metro and decided to stop and buy some produce.

It didn't take long before I was in a conversation with a slightly eccentric guy from Licking Creek Bend Farm. After his mini soapbox speeches on fair trade coffee (i.e."Why can't Starbucks feature their fair trade coffee more than once a month?") and school lunches (i.e. "Why is eat we feed our children the worst food possible - especially in schools?") he asked what I did. I conveniently avoided the fact that I work at Starbucks part-time and told him I had just completed my degree in Family Studies and that I'm planning to go to Africa, to which he responded with the common sentiment, "There are so many problems here in the U.S...." I agreed and tried to smooth things over with some statement to the effect of, "Well, I guess we're all called to different things..." I suppose using the word "call" was a bit of Christianese, because he immediately tapped into this and asked, "Are you a nun?" (Yeah, me - in my wrap around India skirt and black tank top with visible tat - a nun? Not so much.) I responded a bit too quickly, "God, no! I think I like [the idea of] marriage (i.e. sex) a little too much to be a nun!" (Probably not the most tactful response because I really do have a great deal of respect for sisters, but that's what popped out of my mouth.) He quickly realized his mistake and before I could finish my sentence declared, "Yeah, you're a little too saucy to be [a nun]."

Speaking of Faith

“We had all kinds of baggage from the church... you know recovering Evangelicals and disenchanted Catholics...and we just said ‘we’re going to stop complaining about the church that we’ve experienced and try to become the church that we dream of.'”
-Shane Claiborne

NPR's show Speaking of Faith explored New Monasticism in an interview with Shane Claiborne last week. Check it out here. Download the MP3 here.

By posting this, I am in no way suggesting that I've figured out how to "...become the church that we dream of." Yet I can't help but wonder, What happens when we stop defining church as the building in which we worship on Sunday mornings and start thinking of church as a body of people from every tongue, tribe and nation who put their hope in Christ? My friend, Matt, has some excellent thoughts on the subject.

Life as an Oil Painting

I’ve begun to think of life as an oil painting. Let me explain. According to Wikipedia, “Most artists paint in layers...The first coat or "underpainting" is laid down first, painted normally with turpentine thinned paint...Many artists use this layer to sketch out the composition...After this layer dries, one way the artist might then proceed is by painting a "mosaic" of color swatches, working from darkest to lightest. The borders of the colors are blended together when the "mosaic" is completed. This layer is then left to dry before applying details. After it is dry, the artist will apply "glaze" to the painting, which is a thin, transparent layer to seal the surface. A classical work might take weeks or even months to layer the paint...”

There are a lot of layers of paint (i.e. people, experiences, influences, paradigms, beliefs, philosophies etc.) in this painting (i.e. my life, your life...). Each layer rests on an earlier coat; each stage [hopefully] gives birth to something deeper, clearer and more developed than before. All of these colors and layers meld together to reveal a beautiful painting in progress.

“So, how does it feel to be back?”

Being back in NH feels like I’ve slipped into an old, comfortable, favorite pair of jeans I had forgotten about. The roads I drive, the people I interact with, the places where I spend my time... This is a comfortable, familiar, safe, loving environment – one that I will always treasure! But here’s the thing: I think I’ve lost a bit of weight since the last time I wore these “jeans". They don’t fit me the way they used to...or, perhaps, I don’t fit them the way I used to...

Sisters

I’m not exactly sure when my little sister stopped being a spoiled brat and became one of my best friends, but somewhere between her running into my bed when scared at night and me running to her for fashion advice, this shift occurred. There is, without a doubt, a special bond between most sisters. It’s hard to explain... Meg just “gets me”, and I just “get her”, though we are two radically different people. I’m so grateful for this special bond that we share. This girl is invaluable!

Derek Webb Concert

Sometimes I forget how much music unearths deep places in my heart -- places I forget, deny and ignore in the midst of the business of everyday life.

I went to a Derek Webb concert on Sunday night. It was my all time favorite kind of concert - a small venue, raw, unpolished music, lyrics that lodge themsevles in my head and demand my attention, such as...

"I don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
and I join the oppressors of those I choose to ignore
I’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder its suicide
and this too shall be made right"
(From the song: This too shall be made right)

"I am so easily satisfied by the call of lovers less wild..."
(From the song: Wedding dress)

"there are two great lies that i've heard:

the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die

and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican

and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him"

(From the song: A king and a kingdom)

I also discovered a new, up-and-coming artist -- Alli Rogers. Part of what endeared her to me was a song she wrote/sang entitled "Tanzania". Definitely worth checking out.